the time before an exam is always highly charged for me. and for most people too, for that matter. but personally, i never understand people who mope for the fact that they get a B- instead of a B. they passed, so what's the problem?! it's a different case for me, who plays at the pass/fail level. failure means retaking the test: another round of misery, or even staying back a year, which is both humiliating and costly. sometimes i wonder if this is due to some subconscious masochistic impulse. or probably it's just the gambling gene that runs strong in my family.
so, exam time equals excitement. to my consternation, it's also the time when i feel most compelled to write. i used to think it's just simple procrastination. but now i entertain the possibility that during exam time, probably owing to adrenaline overdrive, i become quite a different person. more headstrong, confident and less tolerant. certainly more opinionated. hence a boom time for writings on my observations of the human condition (both my own and others), and the education system. too bad i can't spare the time to write, as i have to read about a thousand pages in two days if i want a fair chance at passing.
and then there is also some definite reluctance to air my feelings on how things shouldn't be run in the faculty. after all, i don't have an alternative to offer and i don't want to be diagnosed with the backseat driver syndrome. not only that, i realise that the dislike is mutual. i don't like them, they don't like me; for i'm one of the problematic students who never hand up assignments on time and fail exams on a regular basis. thus the best solution, i believe, is to grin and bear it and hopefully some day soon this is going to end.
