Bouncing off the walls today. Ended night shift rather late and by that time it was closer to noon than night. Just feeling very restless though not in a bad way. On the way home was just thinking how good it was if I could start training in wushu again - just had the weirdest compulsion to start performing a complicated series of leaps and kicks and slashing with a sword. Not in a rampaging sort lets-see-how-many-people-i-can-kill way; rather, it's a sublimation of the agression that I believe each of us carries within. To transform something as deadly as a sword (ok, I know they use blunted swords in performances) into an artisitic form. And the freedom - leaping and flying through the air, the feel of the weighted weapon in your arm, the sound of it parting the air. Gosh, I'm really waxing lyrical about this. I miss all of it.
That was another level, though. Even at the time I traind most regularly I couldn't do most of the showy stuff. I could imagine doing it, yes, so close but out of reach. Maybe another couple of years, if I'd kept at it. I didn't though; years out of practice now and feeling terribly unfit. Sigh. I miss the spring I felt even doing something as simple as walking. The agility and flexibility that came naturally with it. I have to crouch to pick something from the floor now, and keep bumping against corners. It didn't use to be like that. I'm getting old - old, and unfit.
When I arrived at home, still feeling restless, I picked up the guitar sitting gathering dust at the corner. Yet another victim of my career - I somehow had this idea that the calluses formed from pressing the strings will interfere with my work. Heh. So I started playing, well at least it's something I could do in my living room that won't break either the furniture or my bones. Now I got the Entree from Partita 1 stuck in my head and can't get it out. Argh. I don't know which is preferable - this, or the obssession to fly through the air.
